World Trade Federation sues obese teenager. WTF?

Posted on Saturday, May 9th, 2009 and is filed under WORLDICLE. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

By World Affairs Man, Chuck Venison

Only known photograph of teenager, Derek Plodder.

Only known photograph of teenager, Derek Plodder.

The World Trade Federation (WTF) yesterday sued Arizona teenager Derek Plodder for libel, slander, copyright infringement and ‘the use of letters that don’t belong to him’. The case concerns the use of the English language letters ‘W’, ‘T’, and ‘F’ – originally patented by the WTF back in the summer of 1456 (known then by the acronym TKWTF – The Known World Trade Federation).

The sum of money sought in the court petition is believed to range from somewhere between two dollars and the GDP of Greece ($318 billion). Mr Plodder, contacted last night in the Arizona suburb of Veryhot – has exclusively vented his shock and anger to the Blogicle.

“WTF?,” began Plodder, “I mean, WTF? WTF do these guys want from me? Just coz I invented WTF and have profited immensely from it? I mean, WTF?!!!!”

Plodder wrote the original code for the WTF acronym in 1998 during a heated online debate concerning Monica Lewinsky’s decision to fellate President Clinton.

Jonathan Vulk, 41, was also involved in that ground-breaking online thread – and speaks about what happened that day for just the 1679th time:

“There must have been at least eight people involved in that thread,” spoke Vulk, “it had been going on for days. No one had slept. We just couldn’t believe it. Our President had got sucked off by a college chick in the Oval Office! I mean WTF? Of course WTF didn’t exist before that thread, so we were typing stuff like : Shit! Can’t believe it! The Prez got head! Wish I was him. Laugh out loud!”

Vulk continues: “But no matter what kind of cussing we did – we just could not properly articulate our level of horny shock. Nothing was working – not even by saying the actual words ‘What the Fuck?’  Believe me, we tried.

“And that’s when Plodder joined the thread – he was only a kid back then, always boasting about being an ‘Internet child prodigy’ so we quickly dismissed his claims.”

Plodder’s main claim, continued Vulk, was that he had devised a code that would negate the need for typing the words ‘What’ and ‘The’ and ‘Fuck’. In doing so, Plodder promised, the new three letter acronym ‘WTF’ would not only save fingerprint erosion (a common problem among morbidly obese internet users) but would also result in a WYSIWIG (what-you-see-is-what-you-get) version of the words – increasing the  wow-effect at least ten-fold – and, indeed, perhaps twelve fold.

“It blew us away,” finished Vulk. “It changed all our lives forever. We were like, hey man, WTF?”

A month later Plodder purchased the question mark symbol from the Vatican Library for the nominal fee of $10; cleverly augmented the WTF code with help from NASA scientists – and hey presto WTF? was born. In August 2002 Google purchased the acronym from Plodder for 58 Billion dollars and even threw in a herd of Siberian Tigers as a sweetener.

According to online statistics, WTF? has now become the most used swear-meaning acronym on the internet – and will  soon surpass the Bible as the most read thing on the entire stinking planet.

“I’ve never been in a fight before,” whispered Plodder, as I heard him slip a donut between his eyes, “But I’ll fight this injustice ’til my dying day .”
Plodder died today from complications accrued from eating himself to death. According to family sources, his tombstone epitaph will simply read:

“Derek Plodder. Son and Blogger. 1990-2009. WTF?”

Jizzy being comforted by Plodder's attorney.

Jizzy being comforted by Plodder's attorney.

What now for Plodder’s last surviving Siberian Tiger?

The case continues.

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