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WOMB SEX TWIN INCEST HORROR! BLOGICLE XLUSIVE!
By Special Shock Reporter, Rob Sharkbait.
"The love that dare not speak its name - because of the amniotic fluid."
In news that will surely rock Britain and Eire to their rotten cores – Doctor’s at a maternity hospital in Liverpool have announced that unborn twins have conceived a child whilst still inside their fifteen-year-old mother’s womb.
SHOCK
The mother, Bessie Farrell, is six months pregnant with the twin lovers – the product of a one night stand with an unnamed, seventeen-year-old bisexual mixed-race trainee chef from elsewhere on her working class housing estate.
SURPRISE
The second trimester twins – named in utero as Sean and Sheila – are said to have met and fallen in love shortly after initial cell division occurred.
“I guess it was love at first site,” said Miss Farrell from her hospital bed. “I had a feeling something sexy was going on in there – the cheeky little buggers – but, no, I’m delighted for the both of them – it’s a miracle.”
The twins' proud mother, Bessie, seen here being taught how breasts work.
HORROR
Tests have shown that Sheila is two months pregnant with the miracle child and it’s believed that Sean is ‘over the moon’ with the news. Asked how the young lovers might care for the financial needs of the forthcoming birth – Miss Farrell shrugged, giggled and ate a pie.
“I’ve no idea,” she said later. ”Actually, come to think of it – and this is the first time that I have ever thought about it – I’ve no idea about anything other than pressing the ‘pics’ button on Bebo. Is Bebo a job? Will Bebo give me money if I look at more ‘pics’?”
ANOTHER WORD SUGGESTING SHOCK
Reaction to the news has been swift. British Prime Minister, Gordon Brown has described the pre-birth, incestuous impregnation as: “A dark stain on the proud history of these British Isles. The conquering of India will now be a mere footnote compared to this outrage.”
Conservative leader David Cameron was so angry upon hearing the news that he literally punched his face until it bled with consternation. Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg was quick to congratulate the young mothers’, hailing the entire event as a: “Wonderful day for the continuing moral liberalisation of our reactionary, knee-jerk society.”
MMMM….EHHH……
The Knee-Jerk Society of Olde England (KJSOE), led by car fetishist Jeremy Clarkson, has been in emergency session since last night and are believed to be working on a plan to march on the Liverpool hospital with an angry, torch-bearing mob of middle aged, tight-jeans-wearing men .
Clarkson ''roared like a lion'' after hearing the news.
The Blogicle managed to reach Clarkson on his cell-phone whilst he drove at high speed in a brand new, red Porsche 911 GT3. Clarkson roared with anger for the first minute of the call, causing his words to audibly degenerate into a high-pitched squeal that knocked out power-lines for miles around.
BOO!!!
The Blogicle can proudly announce that we will be the exclusive online-tabloid-thingy of choice for Bessie, the Twins; and their embryo – which they’ve just promised to name ‘Chantelle Bubbles Daily Blogicle Farrell’ – on condition the cheque we gave them for £10 does not bounce for a second time.
Editorial Comment:
“It is not for the Blogicle to judge the moral standing of our nation. It is, however, our professional, journalistic duty to corrupt and exploit that moral standing until our dribbling readership beg us to stop before someone is killed.”
Dalton Felch, Editor-for-life.
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